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Fri, Feb. 4th, 2005, 01:24 pm

Alright, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pretending like everything's going to magically make itself better.

I have dreams. Dreams of someday becoming a professional baseball player. Dreams of living a life far beyond the one I've experienced thus far. I have to realize that those dreams aren't going to happen unless I do something about it. I have to stop gambling. I know this. I can't expect to create a life for myself with something so unstable. I have to get a job. The only way working at Bill's would suffice is if I were to work there full time, which seems highly unlikely. I need to find a 9 to 5, 5 days a week job. You know, a typical everyday man's job... at least temporarily. I have to go to school. Whether it be CCM or any other place I end up, it still has to be done. I know school isn't for me, but if I'm expecting the kind of life I want, I have to go to school and make it happen.

Meg, sweetheart, I love you... I truly do. You are the best thing to happen to me since I've been alive. But I can't keep doing this. I can't keep coming to the city to see you on a whim during the middle of the week. It just can't work like that anymore. It's hurting me. Not only hurting me, but it's impeding me. I'll never be able to do the things I need to get done if I'm bouncing back and forth between home and New York. As much as I love seeing you, and as much as I need you, I'm realizing that there are other important things that I need to attend to in my life... if we want our dreams to come true, if we want the life we really desire, then you'll realize what I'm realizing as well. I'm going to need your help on this.. we can't keep letting me live like this.

I miss my friends... as much as I know they dont miss me because of how distant I've been, and how much of a jerk I've been, I still miss them.

Well, I guess that's it..

Love you sweetheart.. I know if we work together we can do whatever we want..

Sat, Feb. 5th, 2005 05:56 pm (UTC)

you're an awesome person.
you've got great friends.